Past, Present, Future
by marycasa13
Summary: When they both had pasts so horrible, it makes you wonder if at some point,those pasts ever collided. What would a new, shocking discovery do to the present? And how could it change their future? Important A/N inside!
1. Chapter 1

1Past, Present, Future

_He had to escape. _

_Walking as fast as he could up the stairs leading to the roof of the apartment building, he tried to keep his mind on the latest book he read, anything to make him forget the sound of his mom and younger brother shouting at him, telling him everything was his fault. Though he wasn't denying that it was. _

Six years of this_,he thought bitterly as he broke into a run, sprinting past floors five and six with ease. _six years since it happened, and my family still uses me as their scapegoat. Nothing changes, nothing.

_Two floors later and out of breath, he reached the door that led to the roof, and as he opened it roughly, he welcomed the cold city air, the freedom. He turned around the corner and walked to the ledge, gazing at the city lights the way a young child would, wishing his life could be as wonderful as they looked. Because it wasn't. Nothing was as it seemed in his life._

_ He was torn out of his brooding by a muffled sob coming from somewhere close to him, and turned around curiously. _What the...?_There it was again. He searched the roof, finding the only possible source to be a large cardboard box. Ripping the top off it urgently, his heart broke at the sight of a little girl, probably ten or eleven years old, curled up in ball and huddled in the corner. _

_"Hey kid, what are you doing in there?" he asked softly, his own troubles momentarily forgotten. _

_"I'm hiding." She said as if it was obvious. As she lifted her chin, he realized that her cheek was bleeding._

_" Hey, your hurt!" _

"_I know." She whispered._

_He hesitated before asking, "where's your mother?" He was worried by the fact that this particular question caused her to burst into sobs. _

"_She..." the girl broke off into a soft cry before continuing, " She's the one who did this to me." _

_He picked her up as gently as he could without hurting her and sat her down next to him._

"_Why would your mom hurt you?" Even though he didn't even know this girl, he was infuriated by how much pain she was in._

"_Because she was drunk, why else?" She questioned rhetorically in a bitter tone that was hard to find in someone her age. Then again, he was awfully young to be acting so bitter too._

"_Is she drunk a lot?" He felt like a cop, interrogating her like this, but in order to find out if he should _call_ the cops, it was needed. _

_She nodded her head._

_He asked the next question even more delicately, _

"_Does she...hurt you a lot like this?" _

_She didn't respond, instead, she threw herself forward and held onto his shirt for dear life as she sobbed. After what seemed like hours, she pulled away, embarrassed, yet calmer then he had seen her so far. She scooted back a ways, and then asked, " So...why are you up here on this lovely rooftop?" _

Ah, sarcasm, I know you too well_. Despite both of they're situations, he laughed. _

" _You sort of reminded me of myself when you asked that, kid." She looked at him blankly._

"_So, are you going to answer my question?"_

"_Oh, yeah." He shook his head, "I'm not exactly the happiest person on earth either kid, my mother and my younger bro... they still accuse me of being the reason for my dads death and it was six years ago...he killed himself."_

"_I'm sorry." She whispered. He just continued on._

"_The last thing I ever said to him," He paused and took a shuddering breath, "Was that I hated his guts."_

_He didn't know why he was telling this little girl things he wouldn't even tell a best friend, if he had one, but he felt that she could sympathize with him. Apparently, he was more right then he thought. _

"_Hey Mister., " She said, putting her small hand on his shoulder in a mature and comforting gesture,_

"_don't worry. I don't have my daddy either. I never even knew him."_

_He felt a pang of sympathy for her yet again, "Thanks kid. But don't call me mister, okay. It makes me feel old." _

"_Aren't you?" She asked with raised eyebrows._

"_No. I'm only seventeen." he chuckled. "How old are you?"_

"_I'm nine, so to me you are old." She retorted. _

"_Fair enough, so I'm not going to call you kid all the time, what's your name?"_

"_I'm Olivia." She said confidently, "Who are you?" _

"_You can call me Johnny." _

"_Okay, Johnny. Your pretty cool, you know that."_

"_Thank you, Olivia. Your cool too. For a little kid," He teased._

"_I'm not little! But Johnny, if my mom hurts me again or starts yelling, can I come here and hang out with you tomorrow?"_

"_Of course." He smiled at her, "because I'll probably end up here again anyway. Come on, I'll walk down the stairs with you."_

John Munch sighed as he sat at his desk, thinking about the girl he ended up spending so much time with in his teenage years. If only he could remember her name, then maybe he would be able to find her again.

Little did he know, Olivia Benson was sitting only a few desks away, having very similar thoughts.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

1

Past, Present, Future

Chapter 2

_"Hey Olivia, you okay?"_ _ He was almost eighteen now, and was maturing much faster than would be expected for a boy his age. Tall and pencil-thin, he didn't excel any sports, and as a result, threw himself into his studies. Since he didn't have any friends from school, he was not surprised to find himself up on the roof with Olivia yet again._

_Olivia, he soon to be ten year old, sighed, " I'm fine. It's just, my birthday's two days from now, and for once, I'd like to have a friend to celebrate it with. My mom doesn't care." _

" _Olivia, come on." Said John in a light, teasing tone, " do you think I'd leave you alone on your birthday?"_

_Olivia giggled, " I...guess not." She suddenly had a revelation, " Wait, does that make you..my friend?" She asked hopefully with a bit of confusion thrown in._

" _Olivia, we've been meeting up on this lonely little rooftop almost every night for the past three months. If that doesn't make us friends, I don't know what does."_

_" But, my mom says that I won't ever have any friends, because I'm mean and useless."_

_She said in a way that made her sound about half her age. John hugged her and held on tight, praying that she wouldn't cry. Not so close to her birthday._

"_Olivia, parents aren't always right. If they were, I would have been arrested for my fathers murder by now."_

"Hey John, you okay?"Asked Fin, jolting Munch from his thoughts.

"What? Oh, yeah Fin, I'm fine. Just tired." He replied distractedly.

"It's past midnight, Munch. Go home and get some sleep, will ya?" Demanded Fin, concerned for his partner.

"Yeah, thanks Fin. I will soon."

Satisfied, Fin got up from beside his partner, bidding Munch, Elliot, and Olivia goodbye one more time before heading out. Munch sighed, rubbing his forehead and muttering something fiercely in Russian. Olivia, who was walking past him at the time, teased, "Hey, that wasn't very nice."

Munch looked up abruptly, confused and embarrassed.

" You understood that?"

"Yeah, a friend I had when I was little taught me some Russian. I didn't think it was important to mention." Shrugged Olivia.

" Of course it is! Now we can talk behind our partners backs, even when they're around!" Exclaimed Munch. Olivia rolled her eyes and smirked at him.

_"Johnny, " Began Olivia, changing the subject, " Last night, I heard a woman's yelling coming from your apartment. It sounded like a foreign language. What was your mom speaking? It sounded weird."_

_"Oh, that was Russian, kiddo." _

_Olivia smiled, " I told you not to call me that. I'm almost ten now." She said proudly._

_"Right." John laughed. "That was Russian, _big grown up."

_He looked at her curiously, wondering why she wanted to know. _

_" It sounded cool. Could you teach me some? Learning Spanish in school is _so_ boring." Olivia moaned as she said the last part._

_" Sure, I could teach you some Russian. In fact, since I never have anywhere else to be, I'll teach you as much of it as you want." John said, wanting to do anything to make his best friend happy. It was weird, calling the little girl his best friend. But when it came to the truth, she really was. _

" Hey, Liv," began Munch, coming back to reality just as Olivia sat down next to him with a cup of coffee in her hands."Have you ever had a friend in your childhood that you really wish you could see again, you know, just to see how they're doing?"

" Yeah John," replied Olivia, sympathizing with him instantly, " I have. I think about him everyday, too." Olivia looked at Munch closely. Seeing how tired he was, she offered, " Hey, do you need a ride home?"

"Sure, I could use a ride. Thanks, Benson." He said, quickly going back to professionalism, out of habit, more than anything.

_"Olivia, let me walk you back to down your place. You look really tired." He offered._

_"Sure, thanks Johnny."_

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

1Past, Present, Future

Chapter 3

_Olivia walked up the stairs quickly, wanting to reach the rooftop as fast as possible. Her mother was drunk, again, and had nearly hit her over the head with a frying pan as she darted out the door. _And it's my birthday too, but I guess that doesn't really matter. _She thought with a sigh as she opened the door and stepped onto the roof. Turning the corner, she broke into a grin at what she saw. John was sitting cross-legged on the rooftop, with a small box in his hand and two pieces of cake beside him._

" _What, did you think I would forget your birthday?" He asked with a laugh as she ran up and gave him a hug._

As Olivia did her paperwork, she fiddled with a small charm bracelet in her other hand. Delicate looking and silver, it had a small, golden "O" hanging off the middle and a Jewish star on the opposite side.

"Hey," said Elliot, looking at his partner with interest, "Where'd you get that charm bracelet? It looks really old."

" It is, an old friend of mine gave it to me on my tenth birthday." Olivia explained.

Examining the bracelet more closely, Elliot looked at Olivia strangely, " I didn't know you were Jewish."

"What?" Olivia was confused for a moment, before her eyes darted towards the small star on her bracelet, shimmering in the dim precinct light. " Oh," She chuckled, " I'm not, but he was."

"He?"

"Yes Elliot, he." Olivia repeated, then smirked, " Jealous?"

Ignoring her last comment, Elliot inquired, " What was his name?"

Olivia sighed heavily.

"El, I remember so many things about him, but his name is one thing I wish I could remember."

Elliot nodded in sympathy and understanding. As he got up and disappeared down one of the hallways, Olivia resumed her daydreaming, thinking about one of the best birthdays she ever had.

_"Mmm, this is really good cake! Where'd you get it?!" She asked enthusiastically, John smirked._

_"I smuggled it out of the cafeteria during lunch today._"

_"Cool," said Olivia in appreciation of his "daring" deed. __They finished their cake after a few more minutes, and placed the plates in an old garbage can nearby. Olivia couldn't help but glance at the ripped open cardboard box beside it. John noticed this, and decided now was the time to give her the present he had gotten her, anything to take her mind off that night._

_"I do have one more cool surprise for ya." He said with a teasing smile._

_"Really? What?!" She asked, practically jumping up and down. _

_"A present of course." He said casually, handing her a messily wrapped box._

"_You're the best, Johnny. What is it?_ _What is it?!_"

_" Open the box and relax, Olivia. Jeez." __John pulled at one of the corners in the wrapping and unfolded it, just to prove his point. _

_"Okay, okay." __She said with fake impatience, _Wow, I never knew he could be so bossy.

_She opened the box and laughed when she found a slightly smaller box inside of it. Throwing the larger box at his forehead playfully, she opened the smaller one. What she saw inside made her gasp in delight. It was a small, silver bracelet with a golden "O" hanging off one side, and a Jewish star_ _hanging off the other. It was beautiful. _

_"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" She_ _cried, nearly toppling him over as she hugged him happily. She pulled away from him and grew serious, asking with curiosity, " I know the O is for my name, but why is that star on there?" _

_"Oh, that's a Jewish star, the star of David.. I put it on there so you would remember me cuz I'm Jewish." __He said with a small smile._

_"Stupid, why would you need to do that? I would never forget you!" Said Olivia, tilting her head at him._

_John shook his head solemnly and whispered, " You never know, kid. You never know." Taking a deep breath and allowing a smile to creep back onto his face, he asked her, "So, do you like it?"_

_"Of course! I love it!"_

"And I still do love it," Olivia thought with a sad smile, " Just as much as the first day I got it."

Putting away her paperwork for the night, she got up and left the squad room, hoping the thoughts of her long lost childhood friend wouldn't keep her awake again.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Past, Present, Future

Chapter 4

_"Want me to walk back down with you?"_

_"Yeah, please do Johnny, I don't want my mom to hurt me again." Pleaded Olivia as John finished wiping the blood of her forehead from where the small plate her mother had thrown had hit her. She whimpered as he stuck a band-aid on the cut, but then looked at him funny._

_"Why do you have band-aids in your pocket?" _

_John Laughed, " Liv, baby, I'm a total klutz. If I don't bring band-aids wherever I go I'm sure I'll end up bleeding to death someday."_

_"Oh, well when I think about it, you kinda do look like you would be clumsy." Agreed Olivia. _

_"Gee, thanks." He said sarcastically._

_"Anytime." _

_John rolled his eyes at her, kissing the spot where he had placed the band-aid on her forehead lightly. _I swear, this kid has spent way too much time around me the past year. She's starting to have some of my personality traits.

_"Johnny, do I have to go home?" She asked with a scared innocence that made his heart break._

_"Olivia, I hate to say this, but I think it would be a bad idea to stay up here much longer. Last time I came home too late, my mom threw a shoe at me and locked me out until the next morning." The way he explained how he was punished when he was late made Olivia giggle. She sobered up quickly though, and grabbed his hand tightly. _

_"Can you come down with me? You can be my big tough bodyguard." She said in a teasingly tempting voice._

_"I'm too skinny to be big and tough, but I guess I can be your bodyguard for tonight." John agreed with little thought. He felt obligated to protect who he thought to be his best friend and in a way, his savior._

_They helped each other up off the ground, and John going first, headed down the stairs. _

_Once they had reached Olivia's door, he looked at her encouragingly. She gave him one last nervous glance and knocked on the door. Taking this as his cue, he backed away into the shadows. When Olivia's mother opened the door, he could immediately tell she was drunk, because her voice slurred when she shouted, "Where have you been?! There was no one to clean up the mess inside!" Olivia cringed and was halfway through apologizing meekly when her mother took a swing at her. John sprang into action, diving in front of her and taking the blow to his shoulder. Without so much as a groan of pain he got up abruptly and had to duck another blow before successfully knocking the drunken woman to the ground. With a cry of rage at both him and Olivia, she forgot about her daughter and stumbled back inside, slamming the door. The frightened child and surprised teenager wrapped each other into a reassuring hug right in the middle of the hallway. His back to the door, shielding her, John did not notice when Olivia's mother opened the door again, throwing a bottle of vodka at them. The bottle hit John in the back and broke, and as he stumbled from the impact he quickly pushed Olivia away from the mess, then fell on one of the shattered pieces, slicing his arm. _

_"Johnny!"_

Munch woke with a start, gasping for air and clutching the scar on his arm. He could almost feel the pain he had originally felt the night he saved the little girl from her mother, and it scared him. Shaking off the memory of the nightmare as best as he could, he looked at the clock and realized it was about time for him to get up and get ready for work anyway. Slipping out of bed tiredly, he got dressed quickly before heading to the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee.

" I need to find her again, " He whispered to himself, " I just need to know she's okay."

An hour later at the precinct, both Munch and Olivia were sitting at their desks, quietly staring into space as they had been doing quite often for the past few days. Elliot and Fin, having enough but not knowing both of their partners were acting the same way, snapped Olivia and Munch back into reality.

" Munch, what is going on with you man?!" Asked Fin quietly but firmly.

"Nothing Fin, it's just..." He trailed off.

"Just what? Come on, I'm not just gonna sit here watching you wallow in misery. I've had it!" Fin was losing his patience rapidly.

"Fine, I'll tell you," Munch said quickly, knowing that if he didn't give in soon his partner would explode.

"I had a nightmare last night, about this girl I was friends with when I was a kid. Except it didn't have anything to do with my imagination, the whole thing was a vivid recount of an actual event," He paused, " Me and my friend were up on the roof, as usual, and I was putting a bandage on a cut her mother had given her when she chucked a plate at her. When I was finished, I walked her back down to her apartment level and waited. Her mother came out and..."

" And what?" Pressed Fin.

"Her mother came out and tried to punch her. I dove in front and took the punch instead. I tackled the mother to the ground and she went back inside, and then I tried to comfort my friend, but while I was doing that, her mother had come back out of the apartment and threw a vodka bottle at us. I blocked my friend, but slipped and cut my arm on one of the shattered pieces." Munch took a deep, shuddering breath.

"God Fin, I heard her yell my name as the pain jolted me back to reality. I woke up wanting to scream and clutching my arm exactly where I'd been cut. The scar was practically on fire."

" Munch, have you tried to find this girl? Maybe knowing she is alright would help you get over this." Suggested Fin.

"That's just it! I remember every single thing about this girl Fin, but my mind blocks out the memory of her name! She could be dead for all I know!"

Fin looked at his partner sympathetically.

" Here man, let me see your arm, maybe you cut the scar open or something."

" After over thirty years?" Munch questioned doubtfully. Never the less, he obediently rolled up his sleeve and turned his arm over, revealing an inch long, jagged scar just below his wrist.

"Yikes! That 's one helluva scar!" Fin whistled. " It looks normal though." Munch was about to make a smart reply when a shout of "Elliot! I'm Fine!" Could be heard coming from Olivia across the room. They both looked at each other and then went back to whatever they had been doing previously, not wanting to get in the middle of whatever Elliot and Olivia were arguing about.

"Nothing's wrong." Assured Olivia, in a quieter voice this time.

"Yeah Liv, if nothing is wrong, then why have you been off in daydream land the past few days? Your not yourself lately." Said Elliot, concerned for his partner and friend.

" well..okay, I've been trying to remember the name of the friend I had when I was a kid, you know, the one who gave me the bracelet." Olivia finally gave up hiding everything, defeated.

"Olivia, what's the big deal about this guy?" Asked Elliot.

Olivia touched the small, nearly invisible scar on her forehead subconsciously before answering,

" He practically saved my life once, Elliot. And he was the best friend I ever had. That's why it's such a big deal."

Elliot sighed and lost himself in thought. He had to figure out how to help his partner somehow. Maybe Fin would be able to give him some ideas on how to find this guy, he was usually good with things like that.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Past, Present, Future

Chapter 5

"Fin," Began Elliot, " I need your help."

"Okay..." Started Fin, confused.

Elliot sighed, " Olivia has been off in her own little world the past week, and I think it's because she's worried about this friend she had as a kid or something."

Fin's eyebrows rose instantly, " This friend have a name?"

"That's just it, she doesn't remember! But she remembers _everything else _about him. This guy could be dead or in jail for all I know!" Exclaimed Elliot in frustration.

"Okay, that's it. I'm getting a sense of deja vu here." Grumbled Fin, bewildered.

" Come again?"

"Munch has been a pain in the ass lately too, he's barely heard a word I've said the past few days. When I finally asked what was up, he gave me this recount of a dream he had about a childhood friend. It was about some actual event or somethin'." Said Fin with a shrug.

"Did he tell you what it was about?" Elliot asked urgently, trying to fill in the missing pieces of the puzzle that was his partner's past.

"Yeah...him saving her from her drunk mother or something. Why?"

_Her drunk mother...no. It couldn't be, could it?_ Elliot shook his head.

"What was her name?"

"He doesn't remember, same as Liv." Said Fin with a sigh.

" Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Fin gave him a look that quite clearly said, "No," before he wracked his brain for a moment. When he came to the same conclusion as Elliot, his eyes widened.

"You don't think..." He pointed to Munch's desk with one hand and Olivia's desk with the other.

"Yeah Fin, that's exactly what I think. Now here's how I plan on finding out if it's true..." Began Elliot, leaning in closer to Fin and telling him all about his "plan".

Later that day, Munch was just coming back from a crime scene when he found Fin sitting at his desk

"Your own desk not good enough for you?" He asked dryly. Fin rolled his eyes and stood up, pulling over his own chair. Munch looked at his partner curiously before sitting down.

"What's up?"

" Munch, I think I know how I can help you find this friend of yours, but first I need you to help with something." Began Fin hesitantly. _This better work, _He reached underneath his coat quickly and turned on a hidden tape recorder. Fin asked the question that Elliot had told him to ask casually,

" Did you ever give her anything? Like a present on her birthday or something?" Munch thought for a moment before answering,

"Yeah, I remember when I went shopping for it..."

_John walked through the many isles of the jewelry store, stopping at the child's section. His eyes immediately feel on a simple, not to cheap looking charm bracelet. Picking it up, he examined it carefully. Deciding it was perfect for his friend, he went on a hunt for two perfect charms to put on it. Finding the perfect ones to represent both of them, a Jewish star for him and a small, golden "O" for her_,

"Wait," interrupted Fin, "So her name started with an O?"

"Huh?" Asked Munch, "Oh, yeah. I guess it did."

_He payed for everything quickly, and when he got home, luckily before his brother and mom, he took a knife from the_ _kitchen and scratched a small "J" on the opposite side of the star._

Munch then continued to recount the night he had given it to her, going over every detail as best as he could remember, before asking his partner curiously, " Why do you need to know this, anyway?"

Fin took a preparatory breath and pulled a small box out of a drawer in his desk. Elliot took this as his cue and walked by slow enough for Fin to toss him the tape recorder. When Munch looked back on this awkward and confusing moment, he would laugh at how elaborate his colleagues plans had been. But at that moment, he was very, very, confused. Elliot returned to his desk, and Munch watched as he convinced Olivia to come with him down the hallway, before focusing back on his partner again.

"What the hell, Fin?" Asked Munch somewhat angrily.

Fin tossed him the small box, " Just open it."

With one last sideways glance at Fin, Munch did as he was told. What he saw inside the box was nearly enough to give him a heart attack.

It was the charm bracelet.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Past, Present, Future

Chapter 6

"Fin..." Munch began hesitantly, his eyes begging for explanation.

"Hey, I don't know anything. Ask Stabler." Said Fin, pretending to be clueless to the whole situation. As if on cue, Elliot reappeared from out of the hallway, followed shortly by a very surprised, and slightly shaken looking Olivia.

"Liv? You okay?" Asked Munch.

Instead of responding, she took a deep breath before taking a few steps closer to him and asking,

" John... can I have my charm bracelet back?" There was a dead silence between the four detectives until Munch spoke up.

"Wh-what?" He stuttered, collapsing into the chair by his desk, after a few seconds of returning his breathing back to normal, he asked, " How do I know it didn't come off a victim or something? You could've lost yours or misplaced it and picked this one up by accident and-

"John!"

Olivia sat down in Fin's chair and turned to Munch, lifting enough hair off of her forehead to reveal a small scar.

" I'm not believing it yet either, so how about trying to remember how I got this scar. I've told only one person about it." She said softly, aware of everyone's eyes on her.

Munch stared at the scar for a moment in disbelief before getting ready to explain where it came from, but before he opened his mouth he glanced at Elliot and Fin. Sensing his concern, Olivia said, "Don't worry, you can tell them." John nodded, and tooka deep breath before continuing.

"You got that from a plate didn't you? Your mother...threw it at you." John suddenly felt like a little kid again.

"Yeah, that's what happened." Said Olivia quietly, she then smiled sadly and asked, " Do you still have that scar on your arm?"

"Yeah. And it's as nasty looking as ever, just ask Fin." He said as he turned his arm over and showedit too her.

Olivia was close to tears by now, " Oh, John. I'm sorry my mother did that to you."

"It's okay, Liv. It's okay." He whispered as he put his hand on her shoulder.

Suddenly feeling like they were intruding on a private moment, Fin and Elliot glanced at each other quickly before walking into the Captain's office and closing the door.

" Uh, do you two need something?" Asked Cragen with a strange look on his face.

" No cap, we'll explain later, just, let us hide in here for a moment." Said Fin, searching for an excuse.

" Ah," Said Cragen, " I see, is John starting up on his conspiracy theories again?"

"Sure." Said Elliot quickly, taking a seat next to Fin. Never the less, the Captain had a look on his face that clearly said, " Okay, I want an explanation now." Much to his annoyance, both of his detectives kept completely silent, not willing to share Munch and Olivia's past when they knew so little about it themselves.

Right after Elliot and Fin left, Munch and Olivia made sure the squad room was empty before hugging each other tightly, reveling in the closeness that they had not shared for so long. Once they had separated, Munch laughed bitterly, " I thought you were dead! And this whole time you were right here in front of me. "

" I thought you moved!" Countered Olivia, slightly creeped out be the fact she was presumed dead.

" I did, to Baltimore, remember." He paused, "I'm sorry about that by the way."

_"Johnny, why are you leaving me?"_

_"I'm sorry Olivia, I just have to get away from this place."_

_"From me?" She asked meekly._

_"No! No, Liv. Never from you."_

" It's okay. You came back, although I didn't know it was you until fifteen minutes ago...god, this is screwed up." Said Olivia, shaking her head.

"Isn't it though?" They shared a laugh and hugged quickly one more time, just as Elliot and Fin walked in.

"So," Began Elliot, "care to fill us in?"

"Alright you guys, sit down, 'cause this may take awhile. But first," She swivelled her chair around to face Munch again, and asked in a teasing, but curious tone, " Do you still have Lou-Lou?"

Fin raised an eyebrow, " Lou-Lou?"

If Munch wasn't so good at hiding his emotions he probably would have blushed, " My parrot." He explained.

"So you still have him then!" Said Olivia., at about the same time Elliot asked,

"You named your bird Lou-Lou?" He politely, or perhaps not so politely, tried to hide his laugh behind his hand.

" Yes...wait, no!" He pointed an accusing finger at Olivia, "She did." Elliot and Fin continued to laugh, only this time it was directed at her.

"What? I was 11."

" Man, so you guys have known each other that long huh?" Asked Fin, though it came out as more of a statement.

"Yeah." Said Munch wistfully, just getting used to believing it himself. Elliot decided to interrupt with one of his random questions.

"So exactly how old is this bird?"

Munch thought a moment before replying,

" Thirty one years old. I remember the day Olivia first saw it..."

_"Liv, my parents aren't home. I want to show you something in my room, c'mere." He led her through the small apartment and stopped at his closed bedroom door. Opening it and waving his arms with goofy flourish, he led Olivia in. What she saw made her gasp,_

_"Johnny, when did you get a bird?!" _

_"Just a few days ago, Liv. I want you to have the honor of naming it." Replied John with a smile._

_"You want me to name your bird?" Asked Olivia, honored._

_" Of course."_

_"Okay...than how about Lou-Lou."_

_John snorted, "Any particular reason for that name or..."_

_"No, I just think it sounds cute." She responded, batting her eyelashes at him._

_"Sure. I guess it does." He grumbled good-naturally. They spent a good twenty minutes or so trying to teach the young bird how to speak before heading back up onto the roof. On the way up, John kept saying, "Lou-Lou," in a teasingly displeased voice under his breath, making Olivia giggle._

"Did you end up teaching the thing how to talk?" Asked Fin.

"Yes, and sadly it's favorite fraise is "Hey, skinny klutz boy! Get me a cracker!" By the way, Liv, thanks for that." He added.

As Fin and Elliot gave her high-fives, Olivia laughed in disbelief, " He remembered that?!"

" Parrots apparently have a very good memory. I learned that the hard way." Munch complained.

"Hey Munch, any chance I could come over and teach it a few things?" Asked Fin, ignoring his partner's complaining.

"That depends," Munch began suspiciously , "What would you teach it?"

"Probably "It's a conspiracy." Said Elliot with a snort. Munch shifted uncomfortably.

"Uh...he already knows that." He stated hesitantly.

This was too much for Fin, who started laughing hysterically. "Seriously?"

"Yeah!" Defended Munch.

Olivia laughed right along with them, happy with how the conversation was going, because she knew that the next question Elliot or Fin asked would most likely be one much more difficult to answer. After they had all calmed down, Elliot turned to Olivia and asked in a sweet and mocking tone,

"Aw...you called him Johnny?"

Olivia smirked.

_Okay, _She thought with an inaudible sigh_, so that means the next question will probably be the difficult one._

To bad she forgot to knock on wood.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

1 Past, Present, Future

Chapter 7

They had moved their conversation to the little Italian restaurant across the street, for no other reason than that they were all starving. Munch and Olivia sat next to each other, once and a while giving each other sideways glances throughout the meal. Once they had all finished eating, they both sighed and allowed the others to continue interrogating them.

Fin and Elliot both had the same question on their minds, but didn't have the courage to ask it out loud. They silently willed the other to do it for them. After almost five minutes of dead silence, (the restaurant was practically empty, save for them) Munch couldn't take it anymore and raised his eyebrows expectantly, " If you guys have something to ask, we'll listen, and then decide if we feel like answering or not, okay?"

Elliot hesitated for another moment before taking a deep breath. He then asked with an air of great caution, " Olivia...was John there when you found out about your father?" Olivia paled and looked helplessly towards Munch. That night was one she always wished she could forget. Seeing Olivia's facial expression, Munch tensed. " Elliot, I don't think getting into that right now would be-

"No, John. It's okay. They should know about that night, it'll help them understand." She then said quietly, as if reassuring herself, " they need to know."

_ Olivia flew up the remaining flights of stairs, not caring that somewhere along the way she had fallen and banged her arm, making it bleed. Tears began to block her vision, and she hastily wiped them away, as if she still believed her mother could see her. She reached the top floor and swung the door to the roof open so roughly that John swivelled around and looked up at her, startled. Seeing her disheveled and heartbroken appearance, he immediately ran over to her. _

_ "Liv, honey. What's wrong?" She sniffled and composed herself somewhat before saying, " My mom...m-my mom..." _

_She trailed off and the tears came flowing out again. John's heart sunk. He hadn't seen her cry this much since the day he had found her, curled up in that cardboard box. He asked worriedly, placing a his hands on her shoulders, _

" _What about your mom, Olivia? What did she do to you?" _

"_She told me she didn't love me!" Olivia screeched out before falling to the ground with a sob. John allowed himself to be dragged down with her. _

_ "Livvie, why? Why would she say that?"_

_ " I asked her why I never knew my daddy, and she started yelling at me." As she said this, she sounded like she was nine all over again. Whatever this...woman, she could hardly be called a mother, had done to her, it had brought her back two years, back to the beginning all over again._

_ John rubbed her shoulder comfortingly, and begged, " I've never seen you so upset. Please tell me what else she said to you...what she did to you."_

_ " She, she hit me, and then she started screaming in my face. She told me..." She wiped her eyes as they began to dampen again, " She told me the only reason I was alive was because some cruel, good for nothing man attacked her. And that every time she looked at me she wished I was gone!"_

_ She flung herself at him and sobbed into his chest._

"_Liv..." He began, close to tears himself. She interrupted him with a cry similar to that of a wounded animal. _

_ " She doesn't love me! No one loves me! I wish I was gone too!" She sunk farther to the ground in defeat, " I wish I was dead." _

_ "No Liv!" He said forcefully, he then calmed down and repeated, "No. Don't think like that. Don't ever think like that. You can't," He wiped his eyes, resisting the urge to break down completely. As he said his next words, his voice broke," you can't leave me like my father did. You can't." _

_ "Johnny...I'm sorry," Said Olivia softly, sadly._

_ " Don't be sorry Olivia," He said as he calmed down, " you just need to know something," He looked down at her head that was currently resting on his shoulder and brushed her hair out of her red, swollen eyes, " I_ _care about you, I love you. Remember that when your mother says your worthless, or starts hurting you, remember that I love you."_

_Olivia gave him a small, weak smile. _

_ " I will Johnny, and when your mommy and brother start to yell at you, you better remember that I love you too. You're the best friend that I ever had." He pulled her into a hug and whispered, " Thanks, kid." _

_They stayed on the roof that night, and neither of them dwelled on the fact that their mothers either never knew or cared. All they needed was each other._

When Munch and Olivia finished telling their story, they saw that both of their companions were speechless. Neither of them expected what they had just heard. Elliot was the first to speak, sounding as sympathetic as he could while still in a slight state of shock he said,

" You guys...I- I had no idea. I shouldn't have made you relive that. I'm so sorry."

"Yeah," Said Fin in agreement, " we didn't know how bad it was for you two." Olivia and Munch looked at them, grateful for there sympathy and understanding.

"Thanks Elliot, Fin." Said Munch.Nodding at each of them.

"Yeah...thanks."

All four detectives sat in silence for a moment, as if paying respects to all the tragedies of long ago. When they had finally begun to edge out of their solemn mood, Elliot took it as his chance to lighten things up a bit.

"So Liv, I remember you telling me something last year...Munch wasn't that "older man" you said you had a major crush on when you were a teenager, was he?"

Olivia blushed a deep shade of crimson as Munch turned to look at her, his eyebrows raised in amused surprise.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Past, Present, Future

Chapter 8

"Hey, guys. Got any more good stories from your childhood?" Questioned Elliot lightly.

Munch looked toward Olivia and shrugged, and it took her a moment before she finally spoke with a laugh, deciding upon the perfect thing to tell them.

"Hey John, do you remember when you beat that kid up for bullying me about my family?"

Seeing Fin and Elliot's raised eyebrows, urging her to continue, she elaborated.

"He was walking me to school one day 'cause I had missed the bus..."

_"Thanks again, Johnny." Said thirteen year old Olivia, as she walked down the busy New York streets, her backpack weighing her down. _

_"No problem," began John, now almost twenty-one years old, " I could use the exercise." Olivia snorted._

_"Why, to lose all those extra pounds?" She drawled sarcastically, looking at his pencil thin frame with exaggeration. _

_John blinked, and admitted, " I think I'm starting to have a bad influence on you."_

_"Of course you are. I spend more time with you and your bird then I do in my own apartment." Olivia smirked, " By the way, has Lou-Lou stopped saying, " Olivia rules, Johnny drools yet?"_

_"Ha ha." He said dryly. They continued walking in silence, though it definitely wasn't awkward. When Olivia's school finally came into view, they turned one final corner and came face to face with a menacing looking boy. He looked like he was a few years older than Olivia, fifteen or sixteen maybe, and had a smile about his face that clearly said he was looking for trouble. Based on the look John saw on Olivia's face, she had dealt with this kid before. _

_The kid sauntered up to Olivia, and sneered, " Seen your father lately Benson?" _

_"What do you know about my father?" growled Olivia._

_"I know that he either must have run out or have been abusive enough for my old man to see your mom in the bar again last night. I heard him telling my mother how pathetic and drunk she looked." He laughed humorlessly, " I bet she was about ready to fall out of her chair." He took one step closer and taunted her again, "So, I ask again, have ya seen your dear old dad lately, Benson?" _

_As Olivia's eyes began filling with tears of sadness and rage, John decided to make his presence known, anger coursing through his veins. _

_" Hey, what the heck is your problem?" He shouted, stepping forward and backing the bully against the nearest building, " You want to make fun of my friend like that? Well go ahead, say something again, I dare you." He was so close that he was practically spitting in the kids face as he talked. _

_The kid was stupid enough to open his mouth again, " Hey, little girl! You expect this skinny four-eyed geek to fight your battles for you?" _

_Without warning, John shoved the kid in the shoulder hard and punched him in the face, watching with satisfaction as he slid down to the ground with a yelp, clutching his bleeding nose. He crouched down to the kids level and said, " Next time you got something to say about Olivia's father, take it up with me, okay?" before he got up quickly, brushed himself off and went back over to Olivia, acting as though nothing had happened and patting her on the back. _

_"I don't think he'll be bothering you anymore." He joked to her. She, however, remained speechless for a moment longer before letting out a surprised, shaky laugh. _

_"My god, Johnny. You really have some anger issues to work through." _

_" Oh yeah," He retorted, "well I solved _your_ issue didn't I?" Olivia suddenly grew serious. Giving him a warm hug she said, "Yeah, you did. Thanks," she paused, " just please, next time, lay off the big brother routine."_

_He laughed as they let go of each other and continued walking the remaining distance to her school._

_"Yes ma'am." _

"No way," laughed Fin, "You beat some kid up?!"

"You better believe it, pal." Said Munch, " Can't you see all this muscle?" He stuck one of his arms up and flexed, and Olivia swatted at him.

"Don't embarrass yourself." She said, smirking.

"Hey! I am not that skinny!" He defended, not really even believing his own argument.

" I hate to break it to you, John, but yeah, you are." Stated Elliot simply. John sighed in mock defeat and slouched down in his seat, pretending to sulk. Olivia pulled him back up after a moment and turned to all of them, saying, " Come on, lets go back to the precinct so we can get our cars and go home. I'm paying."

"Fine, but I'm payin' the tip." Offered Fin. Olivia agreed and called the waiter over for the bill.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Past, Present, Future

Chapter 9

"It's freezing out here. Remind me why we decided to walk again?" Munch complained lightly, rubbing his freezing arms. Olivia rolled her eyes and smiled at him,

"Maybe because it's only a fifty foot walk back to the precinct, ever think of that?"

"We could've gotten a cab." He moaned.

" Munch, are you serious? Pay money to get somewhere a five minute walk away?" Questioned Fin, chuckling slightly at his partners antics. Munch grumbled and wrapped his arms around his arms tighter. Olivia rolled her eyes and handed over her scarf, " Here, take this, you big baby." She teased.

_" It's so c-cold mom. Let me come inside!" yelled Olivia, apparently to no one. Her mother had caught her up on the roof when she was supposed to be home cleaning her room and had locked the door that led to the staircase. Unfortunately for her, her mother was drunk again, and didn't quite understand that locking a young girl up on a rooftop in below-freezing weather could have serious consequences. _

_"mom!" Thirteen year old Olivia called out to her mother repeatedly for twenty minutes straight, before realizing it was a hopeless cause. She wrapped her thin coat around herself tighter in a desperate attempt to stay warm and huddled against a nearby wall. _

'All of this because I didn't clean my room? I'm always cleaning the whole house anyway! I'm sick of this. Sick of taking care of my own mother. I'm sick of her.' _Olivia thought angrily, closing her eyes in an attempt to make things all go away. It didn't work. She opened them up a moment later and realized with sorrow that nothing had changed, except maybe for the fact that she was a little bit colder. She sighed in defeat and curled up into a ball, wishing the cold would just go away._

_A half hour or so later, Olivia was awoken by someone shaking her shoulder. _

' To...tired...maybe I'll just go back to sleep...'_she thought drowsily._

_"No Olivia! Stay with me! Stay awake!" _

'But I'm so warm now...'

_Olivia didn't know what was happening to her, all she knew was that her eyes felt like they were being weighed down with lead, and suddenly she wasn't cold anymore..._

_"OLIVIA!'" The desperate cry of voice she now recognized as her best friend's was the last thing she heard before she blacked out. _

_"What happened? Where am I" Olivia jolted up with alarm, only calming down when she heard a familiar voice. _

_"Liv, just breath, calm down." Soothed John, putting a hand on her shoulder, " You were up on the roof all night and you passed out from hypothermia. Your in my apartment now."_

_" I passed out?! What- Olivia paused and then backtracked, curiosity overcoming her. _

_" Wait..._your_ apartment?" _

_"Yes _Olivia_, my apartment." He mocked jokingly, before smiling at her warmly, "I earned enough money to finally afford it a few days ago. It's only a few floors below yours. I was going to tell you tonight but then I found you...well, you know- he paused and looked at her over his glasses, " what happened anyway? Why were you up there? With a light jacket even?"_

_Olivia sighed, " I was going to go down to get another jacket, I didn't realize how cold it was, but then my mom caught me up there instead of at home cleaning, and she got so mad at me. She locked me up there." Her eyes filled with tears at just the memory of her mothers furious yelling and accusing._

_"Olivia..." Began John, not sure what to say to make her feel better. _

_" I wish I could've been there, I could have helped..." Olivia interrupted him by putting her hand on top of his. _

_" But you did help Johnny...you saved my life." _

"Liv." Said Munch, startling her out of her reverie.

"What? - oh, sorry." Olivia said, realizing that she was standing on the sidewalk only a few feet from the station house, and that Munch was currently beside her, trying to bring circulation back to his arms and hands as he studied her worriedly.

" You could have gone back in without me, you know." She said, smirking slightly as he continued to rub his hands together frantically. She pulled off her gloves and handed them to him, and he put them on gratefully.

"What, and leave you out here to reminisce on far off memories?" He shook his head, and added, "thanks for the gloves."

" Yeah, and your not getting my jacket next. You've already stolen my scarf too." Olivia responded with mock- seriousness..

"I did not steal them," Munch announced with indignation, " you offered them to me."

"Yeah, well you manipulated me." Olivia countered.

" No I didn't _Olivia_. I _coerced_ you."

"Same difference." She said defensively

"Well actually...". Munch began, before being cut off by Elliot, who had just come back out and was listening to their whole "argument",

"Hey, guys! Stop bickering like children and come inside before you get frostbite, will ya?"

" Yes sir." Munch said sarcastically as he went up the precinct steps, Olivia beside him. He waited Until Elliot was back inside before asking, "So, what was on your mind back there?"

"Nothing, just...the cold." Olivia said lamely.

"Uh huh." He replied, not convinced. He stopped on the top stair and gently grabbed her arm, turning her toward him. She sighed, and Munch was surprised to see tears in her eyes.

"Liv, just tell me." Munch said, concern filling every inch of his voice.

"It's nothing really, she sighed, "I was just thinking about that night when I was locked on the roof...you probably don't even remember." She dismissed it half-heartedly with a wave of her hand. Munch nearly gaped.

"Olivia. Are you serious?" He questioned with disbelief, "Do you think I would forget the day my best friend almost died?!"

Olivia smiled and wiped away the tears from her eyes before asking almost shyly,

"You really thought of me as your best friend, huh?" Munch looked at her over his glasses for a moment before replying, "Yeah. And you know what Liv?"

"What?" She asked with her eyebrows raised slightly. He smiled and responded in such a rare, tender way that her heart nearly melted.

"I still do."

TBC

A/N: Yay! I finally updated! Please review!


	10. Chapter 10

Pas, Present, Future

Chapter 10

Olivia and Munch smiled at each other once more before walking the rest of the way into the precinct. As soon as they got to the SVU squad room, they were met by a confused and slightly angry looking captain. He was currently glaring at Elliot while Fin watched warily in the background, his face resembling that of a trapped animal.

"Uh oh." Whispered Munch quietly, but not quietly enough, because Cragen heard. He lost his interest in Elliot and turned towards them.

"Ok, I want to know what is going on with my four best detectives lately, and I want to know now." He didn't sound angry, but they all knew better than to think it was anything but a command.

"Uh, well...you see Cap..." He said, stalling.

" JOHN!! I don't appreciate being left out of the loop in my own squad room!" The captain yelled.

As Munch searched for a place to begin, he was reminded of a particularly unpleasant event in his childhood.

_"JOHN!" _

_His mothers loud, screeching voice made him drop his hand of cards, he was playing go fish with Olivia, and jump up abruptly, pulling Olivia with him._

_"Johnny, what..."_

_"Liv, shhh. Come on." He lead Olivia to the other side of the roof, and together they crouched down behind an old recycling container. (why it was there, they would never figure out. But at this moment, they were grateful.)_

_Olivia turned toward John again,_

_"Johnny, what the heck is going on? I've never seen you run from your mother when she yelled at you before."_

_" Well, that was a different kind of yell. The one you just heard was the yell she uses when she wants to cause bodily harm." He then added as an after thought, "believe me, I've learned from experience."_

_"What did you do to make her so angry?" Questioned Olivia. _

_"Well, my best guess is that she just found out I got my own apartment." He said simply._

_"You didn't tell her?" Olivia exclaimed in disbelief._

_"Shhh." Said John urgently, " and no, for exactly this reason. My mother usually doesn't care for physical punishment, but when she gets really angry-_

_Olivia cut him off, _

_"Who cares if your mom's angry or not? Your not her responsibility anymore. You're an adult!"_

_"Yeah, I know. But from her point of view, all she probably sees is me leaving her and Bernie to fend for themselves."_

As if they actually want my help._ He thought bitterly before continuing, _

_"Believe me, 'Livia, if it wasn't for you, I'd be back there telling her off. She has no right to be in my business. She's been guilt tripping me into obeying her ever since my dad died, but now I really couldn't care less." _

_Olivia was about to respond, but a crash was heard and she snapped her mouth shut, nearly biting her tongue._

_" JOHN ETHAN MUNCH! Where are you?!" _

_John winced and nudged Olivia, whispering, _

_"Stay here." _

_She nodded fearfully, his mother's screams reminding her of her own mother's furious shouts._

_John walked the long way around, making sure he didn't give away Olivia's location, walking up to his mother with as much confidence as he could muster, consciously looking sideways at the frying pan she had in her hand. He got as close to her as he dared and shouted back, "What?! What is so important that you have to come up here yelling like a hyena?" _

Wrong move,_ He thought with a mixture of fear and dread. His mother swung, and the hard, metal pan slammed into his shoulder, not hard enough to break anything, but hard enough to cause him extreme pain and knock him off balance. He cried out in shear agony as he fell, throwing his arms forward in a failed attempt to shield himself from the quickly approaching ground. _

_His mother hurled the frying pan off the rooftop before fleeing quickly from the scene and the last thing he remembered was Olivia screaming, "Johnny!" and leaning over the ledge of the roof to shout "Oh my god!! Somebody call 911!" Before his senses faded out and he succumbed to the darkness. _

"John." Olivia said with concern as Munch slowly came out of his slightly dazed dream-like state. Once he had full focus on the present again, he noticed that everyone around him seemed to be treating him like a ticking time bomb. The captain no longer looked angry, Olivia looked as though she was going to grab him and pull him into a fierce hug at any moment, and Elliot and Fin looked...scared?

He felt stupid asking this, but he had to know, " You guys, why are you looking at me like that? What happened?"

Olivia's eyes seemed to darken even more with worry as the others exchanged nervous glances. As if he was the winner of a silent and unanimous vote, Fin suddenly spoke up,

"We don't know man, the captain started yelling at you and you just zoned out or something. We've been tryin' to get your attention for the past five minutes."

This seemed to shock Munch, who nearly toppled over and had to be guided to his chair by Olivia. The captain walked over to them and asked again, only this time much more softly,

"Alright you guys, what's going on?"

Olivia and Munch looked at each other meaningfully before they each took a deep breath. Taking turns every few minutes, they told their story all over again, with much more confidence than they had ever had before.

By the end of it, almost an hour later, all five of them were utterly exhausted.The captain looked between the two of them, first at Olivia, and then at Munch. For perhaps the first time in his life, he was completely thrown off balance and at a total loss for words. Finally, after what seemed like ages, but in reality was only five or six minutes, he spoke.

"So let me get this straight, you two have known each otherfor thirty one years," they nodded, and Elliot and Fin did the same. Cragen continued, " And you thought the other was dead. You guys were in the same building nearly ten hours a day, five days a week, and you thought the other was dead."

Cragen knew it was going to take much longer for him to fully grasp every detail of the two detectives' pasts, so with one last sympathetic look toward each of them, he turned to Elliot and Fin and asked, "How long have you two known about this?"

"Only for about a day, captain, we were the ones who finally helped them figure it out."Replied Elliot quickly.

"Okay, but next time anything like this pops up, I wantto be the first to know about it. Understand?" He demanded. They all nodded.

"Okay," he began again, in a normal voice this time, " go get a decent night's sleep. I don't want you four to be zombie's tomorrow, you got it?"

"Yeah cap." They all said somewhat harmoniously.

"Oh and John, Liv," He called, stopping them before they reached the door,

"If you ever need to talk or anything..."

Munch nodded in thanks and Olivia smiled softly,

"Yeah, we know...thanks."

Munch and Liv both went back to their apartments, each getting the first good night's sleep they had had in weeks.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

_Past, Present, Future _

_Chapter 11_

_"Where is he?!" Olivia frantically ran towards the front desk of the hospital, leaning forward and speaking to the nurse who was currently typing away at her typewriter. _

_" Who, Miss..." The nurse began, only to be thrown off by finding a panicked young girl standing in front of her. _

_" My names Olivia, I need to find the room Johnny Munch is staying in!"_

_"well are you a relative, because-_

_" Yes. Of course I am, I'm his sister," She lied easily, tapping her fingers on the desk frantically._

_"He's in room 136, but he was only admitted an hour ago so..." Olivia didn't hear the rest of the nurses sentence, she took off down the hall and went up a flight of steps, only stopping to take a breath when she passed room 135. She calmed herself down quickly and opened the door to John's room, gasping when she saw the bandages wrapped around his head. He was asleep (or knocked out, but she'd rather not think about that), so she quietly tiptoed over to him and sat by his bedside, looking at him with worry and waiting for him to wake up. _

_When he finally did wake up, a half hour later, she was almost half asleep, and was holding onto his hand tightly._

_"Olivia, what are you doing here?"_

_"What am I doing here? What am I doing here?!" She asked in disbelief. She wasn't yelling though, she didn't want to hurt his head anymore than it already was._

_"I just saw you fall and practically crack your head open on the hard cement roof! I wanted to make sure you were alive!"_

_"Olivia, I'm fine. You shouldn't worry about me." John said, removing his hand from hers and pulling her into a hug. _

_"That's impossible," She began, then stated firmly, " I'm your friend, it's my job to worry about you."_

_John pulled away and smiled at her._

_"Thanks, Liv." _

_"Your welcome. Just, come home soon, okay? It's kind of lonely up on the roof without you rambling insanely in my ear."_

_John laughed, and joked, " So this is what it feels like to feel loved."_

_Olivia smiled, and thought, ' Yeah. Thanks to you I finally know what it feels like too.'_

Olivia woke up to the sound of her alarm clock blasting Nickelback in her ear. She turned over on her side to shut it off before getting up slowly and getting dressed. She walked sleepily into her kitchen and started her coffee pot.

Sitting down at her small kitchen table, she smiled slightly and thought about the dream she just had. It was one of the more pleasant ones, mostly because she hadn't woken up screaming or shivering halfway through it.

_'In fact,_' she decided, _' that was one of the first peaceful nights I've had in weeks.'_

"I can only hope John was just as lucky." She mumbled out loud as she sipped her coffee.

_John opened his eyes drowsily when he heard a persistent knock on his door. The doctor had diagnosed him with a moderate concussion and had told him not to get out of bed, so his only option was to shout, "Who is it?"_

_"It's me! Olivia! Can I come in?"_

_"Yeah!" He called, "The doors unlocked!"_

_A few minutes later Olivia was standing at his bedroom door, looking nervously at the bandages still wrapped around his head. _

_"I told you Liv, don't worry. It's not as bad as it looks."_

_She still looked hesitant._

_"Come on Liv, I don't bite! Come in!"_

_Olivia laughed and came in quickly, plopping down onto the foot of his bed._

_"I thought you could use some company." She stated,_

_"And I wanted to bring you this," She rummaged around in her backpack and found what she was looking for. She smiled and handed him a large, elaborately decorated get well card. He smiled and opened it up, reading:_

_**Hey!**_

**_I hope you get well soon Johnny, the roof is real boring without your unique..._insight_ into things filling the air._**

_**Feel better!**_

_**P.s. Don't worry, I don't really think you're a klutz. It's not like this was your fault, anyway.**_

_**Love, **_

_**Liv**_

_He closed the card and chuckled,_

_"Thanks."_

_"Your welcome." She replied, looking quickly towards his living room. Noticing her fidgeting he poked her in the side and said, _

_" I know that look. Go ahead and see Lou-Lou, I can handle a few minutes alone."_

_"Thank you!" She exclaimed as she ran out of the room._

_"Just don't teach her any more insults, okay?" He called out to her back, laughing when she turned around to give him a look that clearly said, "yeah right."_

Munch woke up, still chuckling,

'_it was good to finally have good dream for once' _He thought.

He turned off his alarm clock and got up to get ready for work, whistling along the way.

Once he was in his car, he allowed himself to wonder if Olivia was in as good a mood as he was.

_'I hope she slept well, too.'_ he thought with slight worry, knowing how bad nightmares from their past could get and also knowing how much events from the present could way on their minds.

He sighed and pulled out of his apartment complex's parking lot, lost in thought.

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

Past, Present, Future

Chapter 12

Olivia walked into the precinct the next morning, a smile gracing her face and an extra spring in her step.

Seeing her upbeat demeanor, Elliot groaned, "oh no. Not you too."

Olivia looked towards Fin with a look that clearly said,"huh?"

"My partner over there," he pointed to Munch who was currently bustling about the coffee machine area, "Came in with the same look on his face. Which is weird, even for him."

Fin looked at Olivia closely, "What is up with you two?"

"Oh, well I don't know about Munch, but I finally got a good night's sleep last night. I'm happy when I'm not tired."

"Apparently," Mumbled Elliot. Then said louder, "So Munch, what's your story?"

"Oh, same," He said Mildly, " My parrot finally decided to shut up and let me sleep, which was a miracle in itself. Not to mention lack of nightmares." He handed Olivia a cup of steaming hot tea before getting a mug for himself.

"Nightmares? You mean nightmares about cases or something?" Asked Fin hesitantly.

"No..." began Olivia, " He probably means nightmares about our past. We...didn't exactly have pleasant childhoods." She said with as light a voice as she could manage. Munch saw her eyes begin to cloud over with bad memories and knew they were in dangerous territory. He immediately tried to cheer her up. He decided to do this by teasing her jokingly, turning to Fin and Elliot he said, "hey, you see Olivia's hair now?" They nodded, "Well, when she was about 11 or 12, her hair was nearly down to her lower back. My god, I remember the day I brought her to get it cut." He saw Olivia smile and smiled himself as he began to recount the events of that day.

_"What?" Olivia exclaimed, " Why would I need a haircut? Does it look that bad?" She asked, touching her hair subconsciously. _

_"No Liv, relax." John chuckled, " I was just suggesting, I mean I'm going to get mine cut today, and brushing three feet of hair can't exactly be an easy thing to do every morning. I figured you'd want to come with me."_

_"But I like my hair." She replied petulantly._

_"Okay." He said simply. Shrugging he continued, "Well, then just be like all the other girls your age and take an hour to brush your hair. Don't get mad at me when I leave for school without you."_

_"Fine." Grumbled Olivia. John did a double take._

_"Whoa Liv, I was just kidding, you don't really have to you know."_

_"I know, but my hair is nearly at my feet by now, and your right, it's a pain in the butt to comb."_

_" Ok...your agreeing to this so easily...what's the catch?"_

_"There is no catch." She said with a smirk, " You just have to take me out for ice cream afterwards."_

_"And if I say no?" He asked, looking at her over his glasses wisely._

_"Then I'll hold you hostage and you won't ever get to the hair place in time." She said in as threatening a manner as a girl her age could pull off._

_He laughed._

"Liv, I'm sorry, but I can't picture you with hair that long." Elliot said, interrupting Munch suddenly.

"Stabler, shut up. I'm just getting to the good part. After we both got our hair cut I asked Olivia how it looked and-

Olivia interrupted him, "Don't you dare tell them about that."

"What?" Asked Cragen as he walked out of his office.

"Nothing." Olivia said all too quickly.Cragen, obviously interested, sat down on one of the desks and waited for Munch to continue the story. Ignoring Olivia's embarrassment, he did so almost instantly, eager to continue teasing her.

_" How does my hair look?" Olivia asked, twirling around once as if modeling in a fashion show. Her hair was now only just below her shoulder._

_"It looks great, Livvie. Not that it looked bad before." He said sincerely. Trying not to laugh at his friends enthusiasm over a simple hair cut._

_"How about mine?" He asked, brushing his hand over his now short hair. To his surprise, Olivia blushed._

_"What? I just asked how my hair looked." He said, perplexed._

_" I know."_

_"Then why the whole school girl embarrassment act?" He teased. Olivia hesitated and rubbed her foot against the pavement shyly._

_"I think it makes you look really cute." She said quickly, then blushed harder. She ran off down the street to their nearby apartment building without waiting for a reply. Leaving a very shocked and very amused 19 year old boy behind._

Fin, Elliot and Cragen looked at Munch, who was grinning triumphantly, and then at Olivia who was smiling too, but also blushing a deep shade of red, before they burst into laughter.

"Hey!" She exclaimed.

To her dismay, they just laughed harder. Cragen was the first to calm down. He stated, " I'm sorry, but you having a schoolgirl crush on Munch is just too funny."

"Yeah, yeah." She said sarcastically. Munch was about to make a remark when Fin beat him to the punch,

"Hey, who says she doesn't still have a crush on him now?"

She opened her mouth to speak, and then shut it abruptly, turning away from them and pretending to busy herself with paperwork.

"I knew it!" Fin exclaimed.

"She didn't say anything." Munch said, defending her. Though he would have no complaint if she actually did have feelings for him...

Fin ignored him, "Liv and Munch sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G."

Munch's mouth twitched into a small flicker of a smile before he caught himself.

"Fin stop." He said seriously.

"Fine." Fin grumbled, throwing an apologetic glance towards Olivia, but at the same time plotting how exactly to get her to admit her feelings for a certain snarky, cynical detective.

As Olivia and Munch looked at locked eyes over the others heads, they decided to make a silent agreement, never give Fin information that could be considered decent blackmail material, _ever again._

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

1Past, Present, Future

Chapter 13

"Alright, you guys," began Cragen, finally deciding to break the four detectives up, " we've got a new case, though it's going to be a pretty easy one. The police who arrived on the scene first found the rapist hiding in a house two doors over. I just need two of you to go over and take some statements, you know the drill." He was about to pick two of them at random when Fin quickly volunteered to go with Elliot.

As they walked out into the chilly New York streets, Elliot turned to Fin curiously, "What'd you do that for? I have a bunch of paperwork to do. Couldn't you have just dragged Munch along?" His voice indicated that he was only slightly frustrated.

Fin shrugged carelessly, but there was a mischievous glint in his eye that Elliot didn't miss.

"Wait, you left Munch and Liv alone on purpose didn't you." Elliot accused.

"Why would I do that?"

"Come on Fin, you're the one who noticed it first, you want them to admit their so called "feelings" for each other." Elliot continued, unfazed by his friends denial.

Fin just shrugged again, but as they both got into the squad car Elliot caught him smirk, undoubtably pleased with himself.

Elliot chuckled.

"Munch, did you have to tell them _that_ story? Out of all the other stories you could have told them..."

"Liv, relax," said Munch, interrupting her, " I wasn't trying to embarrass you. I was trying to get you out of your bad mood after that comment about nightmares. It worked didn't it?"

"Yeah...I suppose it did." Confessed Olivia with a grateful smile. Munch grinned.

"Good, because I don't want to be stuck alone with you if your cranky. That's never fun."

"Oh, shut up." She teased.

"Make me."

It was then that Cragen finally took notice to them.

"Don't you two have anything to do?"

"No." They said in unison.

"No unfinished cases, paperwork?" Again, they responded in the negative.

"Alright," He sighed, " Just, go take an early lunch or something. But when you come back, I better see you finding some work to do."

"Yes sir cap." Said Munch, as he and Olivia headed for the door, grabbing their coats on the way out.

"Hey Munch," Began Olivia with a smirk, once they had sat down at one of the tables at a diner only a few blocks from the precinct, " Remember that time when you finally noticed your hair was turning gray?"

Munch groaned, "Olivia!"

"What, you made fun of my hair, now it's my turn." Olivia argued playfully.

"Fine, remind me of the day my youth disappeared, I don't care." He replied begrudgingly.

"Your such a drama queen." Said Olivia, reaching across the table to slap him on the shoulder. "Just shut up and let me tell the story, okay?"

"Fine" he said, pretending to sound defeated, thought their was a rare twinkle in his eye that gave a way his amusement.

_"Olivia, what are you doing here?" Asked John, when he noticed Olivia staring at him through his bathroom mirror._

_"Oh nothing," She said with a slight hint of sarcasm, " I just thought it would be amusing to watch you try and comb your hair a certain way. You know, to try and cover all those gray hairs."_

_"I don't have gray hairs!" He exclaimed._

_"Oh really? Have you looked in the mirror lately? I think there is one conveniently right behind you." She said, pointing to the small mirror opposite her._

_"Haha," John commented dryly, making a shooing motion with his hand. " Go wait on the roof for me, will ya? I'll be up in a minute."_

_"Okay." She agreed, heading out the door. She had to stifle a laugh when out of the corner of her eye, she saw John examine his hair critically in the mirror._

"You know," Commented Munch, " Some women seem to find gray hair very attractive."

"I never said it wasn't," Commented Olivia slyly. Munch blinked in surprise.

"What?" She asked innocently, " Did I say something wrong?"

"No, not at all it's just," his voice dropped down to a quieter level, " what Fin said earlier, it got me thinking and-

Olivia interrupted him, "John..."

"No, I have to say this. Just, let me get this over with, and then you can say all that you want." He took a deep breath. " This past week, or however long it's been, has helped me realize something I should have realized a long time ago. I finally figured out why we seem to get along so well, and why you are the only one who seems to understand my sense of humor. Heck, why you even follow along with some of my crazy theories. It's not only because of our pasts..." He shook his head, as if redirecting his train of thought, "It may be wrong, but I can't help it...I love you Olivia, in every way humanly possible. I just thought you should know that." He took in a huge gulp of air, threw a few bills on the table, and left without glancing back, leaving Olivia behind in a shocked daze.

She closed her eyes and whispered, "I love you too," just as the diner door slammed shut.


	14. Chapter 14

Past, Present, Future

Chapter 14

"Hey Elliot, you ever wonder why Munch and Liv never noticed they were friends as kids before?" Asked Fin. They were driving back from the crime scene, and Fin thought it would be a good time to satisfy his curiosity about their partners,

"What kind of question is that Fin? How would they notice?" Asked Elliot, raising an eyebrow slightly.

"Look man, that came out all wrong. What I meant was, didn't it seem like they liked each other, even before this whole thing? They've always seemed close."

Elliot didn't speak up, just merely waited for him to continue. He sighed.

"Like what about when Munch would bring up one of his crazy theories, huh? Wasn't Olivia the first one to go along with it?"

"Actually," Offered Elliot, "She'd usually tease him first."

"That's just it! Who teases Munch?"

"Are you kidding me, who doesn't tease him?" Said Elliot in disbelief.

"Elliot, come on man, I don't mean like jokin' about him or insulting him or anything, I mean straight out teasing with silly grins and laughter and all that."

"Maybe it wasn't teasing at all. Maybe she was flirting with him." Joked Elliot.

"Exactly!" Fin Exclaimed.

"Fin...I was kidding." Said Elliot slowly, a slight look of disgust creeping onto his face.

"So?" Fin shrugged crookedly, " You had a point there." After a moments pause, he continued on, "What's your problem anyway? Have you watched them lately? The way they argue back and forth, it's kinda cute. Reminds me of a married couple."

"Fin, can we stop this conversation please?" Asked Elliot, exasperated.

"Why?" He inquired. Elliot just frowned at him.

"Oh," Began Fin smugly, " I get it. You're jealous." He paused, " I knew it!"

"Knew what?"Elliot asked defensively

"You're in love with Benson." Elliot's face contorted into a look of shock.

"I am not. What gave you that idea?"

Fin gave him his trademark, "are you serious?" look.

"Okay," Elliot began, " I can see where you got the idea. But I'm not in love with Liv, Okay?"

"Why should I believe you?"

"Uh," Started Elliot exaggeratedly, putting a finger to his chin, " How about the fact that it would be like being in love with my sister! That good enough?"

"So this is a protective big brother thing?" Asked Fin, though it was more of a statement then a question. The way Elliot just shrugged and turned to the window with mock disinterest was enough to tell him he was right.

"Oh man, I hope Munch doesn't screw up. I'm not helping him up off the ground if you punch him in the face."

"Why would I punch John in the face?"

"Well, if he ever screwed up their relationship or insulted her- Fin began, but Elliot interrupted him.

"What relationship?!"

"You'll see, just wait." Said Fin enigmatically.

"Now just what is that supposed to mean?"

Fin just smiled, and Elliot sighed, knowing he wasn't going to get much out of Fin now that the traffic had dispersed and they were moving again.

_Could Olivia and Munch really have a thing for each other? _As he pondered this, he was reminded of Olivia's first day in the squad.

_" So, Elliot. I here you got yourself a new partner." Began Munch conversationally. _

_"Yeah, though I have no idea where he is."Elliot commented._

_"The captain's door is closed, maybe he's in there." Shrugged Munch, busying himself with paperwork. Minutes later, Cragen came out of his office with an attractive woman, who looked to be in her thirty's, trailing behind him. _

_"This is Olivia Benson." He explained, taking note of Munch and Elliot's curious glances._

_"Elliot, meet your new partner."_

_Elliot walked up to her and introduced himself, shaking her hand firmly. He was surprised to find she shook his with just as much force._

_"Hey," He smiled, " I'm Elliot Stabler. Welcome to the unit."_

_"Thanks," She said, and then turned to Munch, smiling nervously. He took away all the tension when he stepped forward and gave a quick, teasing bow._

_"I'm John Munch, the resident conspiracy theorist, or so they say."_

_"Okay," she said a grin forming on her face, she reached forward and took his hand, shaking it warmly._

_"I'm Olivia Benson, the 'new kid'. Nice to meet you." _

Elliot shook his head slightly, and continued staring out the window, lost in thought, for the remainder of the ride.

**TBC**


	15. Chapter 15

1

_Past Present Future_

Chapter 15

Olivia didn't know how long she sat frozen in her seat, completely oblivious to all the noisy diner goers around her. She just new it had been a pretty decent amount of time. After a while though, she realized with an almost frightening jolt of reality that Munch had run out. He didn't walk. He ran. He had left in a hurry, embarrassed, probably confused, and looking more scared than she had ever seen him.

_Oh god, John..._ She thought, anger at herself and worry for Munch creeping into her thoughts. She put her half of the money on the table in the same manner Munch had, grabbing her jacket and rushing out of the diner. The sounds of the city assaulted her ears, doing nothing to stop the nervous, rapid beating of her heart.

As she finally slowed down to a less hazardous pace, she turned onto the final block before the precinct. She couldn't help but notice that below her rapidly beating, frantic heart, was a feeling that could only be described as overly excited butterflies, flittering joyfully in her stomach.

_John loves me. And I love him too. I'm acting so nervous because I want him to know that I feel the same way._

This epiphany of sorts came to her as she ran up the precinct steps, forcing herself to calm down as she opened the door. She walked into the captain's office and asked with forced casualness,

"Have you seen John lately?"

"Yeah," said the captain, concerned at her slightly disheveled appearance, but deciding not to comment on it, "I think he went up onto the roof. Kind of strange, in this cold weather."

"Thanks Don." Olivia said. She walked quickly across the room, and began her trek up the stairs.

"I should've said something to him." She muttered to herself, "He's had enough ruined relationships in his life, I can't believe I let him rush out."

_"Johnny wait! What's wrong?"_

_John rushed up the stairs, completely ignoring his friend for perhaps the first time. He had tears streaming down his face, that he secretly did not want his younger friend to see._

_"Johnny! Please! I want to help you." She called out, just as he ran onto the roof and slammed the door shut. He whispered, "I'm sorry. I can't." Which Olivia took to mean that he couldn't talk about it right now, and would tell her later._

She never did find out what happened that night.

She walked up the last few stairs and went through the open door to the roof. Turning around, she found Munch leaning on the roof ledge, one arm casually holding his head up, the same way she always remembered him standing on the roof at the old apartment years ago. On their roof.

She took a deep breath, walked up next to him silently, and said in almost a whisper,

"I love you too."

He whipped around, not expecting to hear her voice, and asked in confusion,

"What?"

She spoke louder this time, and with more confidence,

"I love you too."

She watched him carefully for a reaction, and saw his eyes cloud over with happiness, and then doubt.

"You let me leave, Liv. If you loved me, you wouldn't have let me go." He turned his head away from her.

"I love you, John." She repeated firmly, "I have for quite some time now. I just never realized it."

"But...why?" She could tell that after all his divorces, it was a struggle for him to believe her. She also knew that he wanted too.

"I don't know John," She began lightly, "Why do you love me?"

He took in a large gulp of air, and turned to face her slightly, still not looking her in the eye, but speaking stronger this time, almost passionately.

" I love you Liv, because you're the one in this squad who understands me, because you can help me in ways the guys can't. I love you because you were the sole factor in keeping me sane during the harder half of my childhood, and you didn't even know it. I love you because you're beautiful, because you're nice, because no matter how tough you are, you're still gentle and caring."

Not expecting such a long and touching answer from someone so emotionally guarded as him, Olivia let one small tear slide down her cheek.

She caressed his face gently with her hands, then grabbed his chin lightly, turning it and forcing him to look at her. She then responded,

"And I love you because you can always make me laugh, and because when my mother abused me mentally and physically almost every day, you were my night in shining armor. I love you because you are very handsome and charming," as he opened his mouth suddenly, she stopped him from objecting with a wave of her hand before finishing proudly, "And you don't even know it."

" _I_ _care about you, I love you. Remember that when your mother says your worthless, or starts hurting you, remember that I love you."_

_Olivia gave him a small, weak smile. _

_" I will Johnny, and when your mommy and brother start to yell at you, you better remember that I love you too."_

They stared at each other for a seemingly endless moment before Munch spoke up nervously, " ...wow, Liv, I-

" Shut up." She said teasingly, before wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in for a long, loving, and passionate kiss.

When it was over, they both let their eyes slight open slowly, refusing to let go of each other. Munch pulled Olivia closer and sighed, " I love you, Olivia. You know that?"

"No, I didn't know that." She said with light, playful sarcasm. She ruffled his hair slightly before chuckling and pulling him in for yet another breathtaking kiss.

" I love you." Munch said again once they pulled apart, loving the sound of it on his lips, but especially loving the joy it brought to Olivia's face. She smiled widely and rested her head on his shoulder.

As she got comfortable, her eyes drifted shut and she said in an awed voice, just above a whisper,

"I love you too, Johnny, I love you too."

THE END

A/N: That's all folks. Sorry to disappoint those who expected it to go on longer, but hey, all good stories must end, right? REVIEW!


	16. AN on sequel

Hey everyone! plz take a look at my story Forever (this story's sequel) if it is still enjoyable I will continue writing it, despite the extremely long hiatus. I apologize greatly to anyone who thought this was an update. - Mary

P.s. To any remaining fans I have out there, thank you all so much!


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